Splitting the Neuron

What is “shadow”?

When you use “shadow” in magic, it’s always best to take it as all magic should be viewed, an expression of the will of the self as it interacts with the outside world, and an opportunity if not imperative to gather the insights one gains to change the self to what you wish to be  AFTER you understand the implications and relationships of the various facets within you.

“Shadow”…as the name implies refers to that part of yourself you cast. Sometimes you throw it away from yourself -”This is not who I am!” “This is not me!” and so on.

Sometimes it’s all the things people see in you, more often than not, that they harbor ill feelings and intent over. Much like the zen mirror technique, they see in you the things which they have no control over within themsleves. In seeing those things, it’s impact triggers emotions while aimed at you, are generated by those feelings about themselves- man of which they are not consciously aware of.

Sometimes it’s the reverse of that principle. You see your shadow in others,and are not truly reacting to what they do, but rather your own feelings of guilt and remorse as you come to grips with the fact that you are not only capable of, but probably have done, the same thing.

Sometimes it’s that image you have of you. It can be all you should have been but failed to be. Your “accuser”.  Sometimes it’s that image you have that is your failures, your weaknesses, your insecurities- the parts that tell you it’s really not going to matter. Your “devil’s advocate.”

All of these things help make up what we qualify as “our shadow”. There are other things that are also Shadow, but they are a bit primal, much more powerful, and are best being approached AFTER you have reached an understanding with the part of shadow that is “yours”.

How does shadow work?

All of us have had bad experiences- traumas, mutilations of the soul- and they are either self-inflicted or thrust into us. These things embed pieces of us within them. Concepts of who we are to ourselves and other people become enmeshed with them.

At that point, we begin to make connections. Words, movements , actions, images, smells, colors- they all drag us back to these old places. Once visualized, there is no .difference between the act of expereincing or seeing something and remembering it.

That’s how shadow taks to us through other people. Those things become triggers, and those triggers return us to those points here our shadow is held to us.

Our shadow wants us to go back to those places. Our shadow finds power in those places. Where we had no control, it has all of it.

Our shadow is tied strongly to the death instinct. As shadow has no self of it’s own, no way to move forward in life, it desires our destruction. Immediate if possible, and from the inside out is its primary method.

Destruction does not necessarily mean death. It means that we become soulless, and lose oursleves to the dead places which no growth can occur.  It holds sway..and you die.

Just that simple.

Working the Shadow

Ok, caveats aside, There are a lot of frakking ways to work your shadow. If it seems the post is vauge, its because really the ways of working your shadow really depend on the  ways you understand best.

Lets go over some things first:

When do you need to work your shadow?

It’s harder for a person who doesn’t know any forms of magic to be able to discern whens you should work on your shadow. Obviously a person who DOESN’T know magic is going to assume that what we’re talking about is going to assume its some kind of schizophrenic embolisim.

Well, when your shadow consumes you, that’s a good way of looking at it. Let’s take the following over-dramaticized example:

You are about to go to bed. You go into the bathroom, thinking of all the things that beat you down for the day, all the choices you’ve made that didn’t pan out, the fact you lost control of something important in your life, all the humilations you’ve felt over the past while…you know- all the things that overwhelm EVERYONE when it comes to the concepts of identity and self-worth.

You look in the mirror, after you’ve brushed your teeth and what not, and look into it, reflecting on yourself, just looking, spacing off.

And you close your eyes, for just a moment. when you open them again, for just a moment, you catch a glimpse of your own face, smiling a wide predatory almost reptilian grin with a sinister look in your eye.

And in a flash, it’s gone again, leaving your own horrified face.

You shake your head- You COULDN’T have seen that…you must be just over tired, bad day, that kind of thing…you turn to leave, and take a step.

And in the back of your brain, just for a moment- the idea that your reflection is still there, looking at you with that grin AFTER you’ve stepped away from the mirror-is there.

Indelibly, like a blotch on your skin that you don’t want to see because it confirms you have an incurable disease. Instinctual, like animals in a forest raising to catch the scent of smoke in the wind.

In fear, instead of looking back to convince yourself that you didn’t see it, you turn off the light and hurry in to the imagined safety of your bed.

That’s shadow, over-dramaticized. In more pragmatic circles, that’s also paranoid schizophrenia- which, again, is what it seems like to you and everyone else around you when your shadow devours you.

Flip a coin, Dame Fortune.

If you’d like a more easily identifiable and not quite so in-your-face example:

You’re having an affair with your best friend’s lady, Cecilia. You really don’t mean anything harmful to your best friend, and neither does she. Animal lust is what it is- pretty fucking inconsiderate and not really well thought out. You think you both have been discreet, and know you have to end it.

One day your friend invites you to lunch. After a few drinks and some good food, the talk turns to trust. And after several mini-viginettes about the nature of trust, your best friend looks at you after a kind of strange pause and says-

You know, that’s why you’re my best friend. I can trust you with anything. Even my wife. I don’t  know what I’d do with out you.

And a thousand fucking things run through your head. Does he know? Did he figure it out? What gave it away? Did someone tell him?

Pragmatic response says that’s a guilty conscience altering the perception of the comment. He might NOT know. That pause might have been him thinking about what to say because he felt so deeply about it.

Then again, he may just have an instinct. Nobody-REPEAT-nobody can hide something like that forever without having something slip.

So now, from the pragmatic point of view, you’re paranoid as frak.  Which, in all honesty you’ve got a right to be. You’re also guilty as hell, both in deed and in conscience.

And that actually illustrates both how shadow works.

• You have made choices that go contrary to the person you’d like to think, and probably DO think you are.
• The place you find yourself is where you must either confront your actions or hide them. Usually the imperative in the situation makes for some quick adrenaline boosting.
• The consequences of these actions can result in destroying both important parts of your identity and your relationships with those close to you…which also have a say in your identity
• There is no easy or seemingly positive way out of the situation- a fact you should have considered before making your choice.

If you choose to see it as your shadow (And I say this because how you deal with everything in the world revolves around choices. Sometimes those choices have been made far in advance of the actual situation, othertimes the choice has not been made at all, which in itself, is a choice.) This is how it works.

• That part of you which you don’t want to admit exists can shape how you look at things. Both in the choices in front of you, and how you deal with crises.
• While it can’t PHYSICALLY do anything, it can force you, through panic, guilt, or even instinct, to move in a way that will be hugely detrimental to your life.
• It can, in someways, speak through those close to you. Since it’s power comes from the conflict in you, it has no problem “hopping” form person to person, knowing what to say and who to say it through to do the most damage. Some would argue that those “gut” feelings about beeing betrayed are often hints given through shadow.
• It can, given enough power and dissassociation from you appear AS you to others close to you.  If you are out of town, or are not with that person due to some malfeasance towards that person, they will swear they have seen you, or palapbly “felt” or heard you.
• The closer you are to actual physical death, or total destruction in one way or another, the more “real” that presence is, perhaps even appearing to YOU as a separate entity.

Yeah…not nice critters, shadows

I use magic/am a spiritual person. How can I recognize shadow before it gets as bad as the examples you give where it looks like I’m obviously going bat-shit crazy?

Okay, first- If you are publically /outspokenly “spirtual” , get used to an idea, here, and it’s not pretty.

According to most shrinks, you’re already a candidate for medication.

According to many terms in the DSMV…it think they’re actually up to V now… if you:

• Believe you can communicate with unseen entitites
• Believe your life can be influenced by these same entities
• Believe you have the power to affect the circumstances of your life using some kind of ritual, be it prayer or whatever
• Believe ordinary happenstances occur because of synchronicty and its precursors (prophecy, omens, portents, etc.)

….it’s time to be fitted for that wonderful sweater with buckles that lets you hug yourself all day and all night.  That’s no lie. Oh they can come up with watered down versions- postive thinking mantras, self actualization visualizations, and so on, but unless you talk to them in those terms, you’re a fucking nutbag the minute anything connected to those trains of thought come out of your mouth.

Note to members of “orthodox religons”…in case you missed it, that means you, too.

So if you think you aren’t crazy already, forget it. According to them, you are. You just haven’t been tagged and bagged yet.

Now, moving on to the meat of the query…

You probably need to do shadow work when:

• What ever entities you work with give you nothing but good messages and inspire you to do things that no matter what, just seem more and more self-destructive.
• Those entities may take on a darker way of expressing themselves, become mocking, personal, almost charicatures of themselves.
• When no matter the amount of “good juju” you do for yourself, it doesn’t seem to work.
• The “Djinni Rule” on wishing seems to be in effect. What you do works, but seems to have worked in a way that was unintended, usually for the negative.

Why does this happen?

Understand, if you don’t already, both ritual and “discernment” have certain underpinnings.

• Your sense of self must be completley intact. No lies, no myths you’ve told others you’ve come to believe in. Shadow has power in the distortion of information, for your benefit or otherwise.
• Your intent must be pure. (Keep in mind pure does not neccessarily mean “holy”, “divine”, or “moral”. Purity means unbroken and unwavering, that there is no doubt at all what you wish to do. There is no ambiguity on your part at all.)  Shadow is, by many means, connected to the issues of faith, magic, and again finds strength in ambiguity. If you aren’t damn sure what you’re doing is what you want, and you’re doing it for the reasons you say you are, it’s going to have a field day.
• When we recieve or communicate with the “unseen” in any way, often the language and symbols come from us, not them. Based on what we allow them to work with, or comprehend, what they say to us is limited by comprehension. Thus – things they say always seem to have deeper meanings. If we are so focused on a result we want or a happenstance in your life you are obsessed by it, they may not be just telling youwhat you want to hear. You may not be allowing them the words they need to say because you want that thing/occurrance/person so bloody badly.  And I need not tell you how some “entities” take it when you put words in their mouths.
• The appearance of these entities is also controlled by the same rules as what they say. If you can’t visualize or comprehend what they are doing, or their true nature as you understand it, they are going to rifle through your lexicon of symbols till they find the one that fits closest.  Again, if you are putting words in their mouths, you really aren’t hearing them. Thus if you don’t catch it, you’re just talking to an image of what you expect controlled by something that feeds on lies and ambiguity.